It is with a heavy heart that I write these words today. Yesterday afternoon I learned that one of my best friends had taken his own life. I am by nature a very logical and optimistic thinker. Once I have made sense of what has happened and why it happened, I am always able to sort through my own raw emotions and take out the most positive aspects of each situation. Then I try to learn something from the experience and use those positive emotions to create a happier memory.
I can make absolutely no sense of what has happened to my friend. This is harder than anything I have had to deal with in my life so far. I have been replaying past conversations and memories repeatedly in my head. I have wondered about the potential thoughts that may have been going through your mind. I have thought about if there was anything more I could have done to help you. More than anything though, I have thought about how alone you would have felt in those final moments and that is what is breaking my heart into pieces as I write this.
Although I still cannot make sense of this and I cannot comprehend what could have brought you to a point where you felt that life itself had lost all value, I want to try and remember you, for all of the value and joy you brought to my life. You were my rave buddy. Whenever I attended a music festival or a big event, you did not have to look far to see Norman dancing like a maniac by my side. You were the most fun loving, carefree and hilarious person I had ever met. Hilarious in ways that you did not even know. Whenever an event got scheduled, you were the first person I would message. If I found out you were coming as well, I knew that we were in for a fun night, no matter what. I am sure we all have friends like that, but Norman was that friend for me.
All our times spent together had been amazingly positive and fun. I knew you were going through some personal battles and we spoke about them. You seemed to have turned a corner and decided to look at the situation as a blessing in disguise. How wrong I was. The hardest part of all of this is knowing that I will never see you, hear you or hug you again. My brain wont even register that as a potential truth right now. It is like there is a mental roadblock in my mind, not letting that thought even enter the realm of possibility.
The past 24 hours have not felt real and at this point I do not know what else I can say. I want to finish this by sharing some lyrics from one of Norman and I’s favourite tracks. It is called Blue Sky Action by Above and Beyond.
I get tired of life
What a world I'm living in
Now I've got it all
Been enough, I'm giving in
The sun is shining, melting the clouds away
Got me some blue sky action
I'm breathing today
I know I'm burning, this is my final day
I'm gonna go out smiling
A king for a day
This track will forever remind me of you Norman. Every time I hear it played; I promise to sing it that little bit louder for the both of us.
Rest in Peace my brother, I will never forget you.
